


Tea, Dammit!

by NoirRosaleen



Series: Numbers Meme! [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alien Culture, Gen, Hilarity Ensues, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Request Meme, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 21:49:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirRosaleen/pseuds/NoirRosaleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Harkness and Rose Tyler have an unusual tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea, Dammit!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [donutsweeper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/gifts).



> Donutsweeper prompted me with, "14 and 3 sit down for tea. It does not go well."

“So, when was the last time the Doctor took you out to tea?” Captain Jack Harkness asked, holding the door open for Rose.

“Ummm, awhile back we had tea with the Earl of Sandwich...I'm sort of responsible for tea sandwiches now,” Rose said, grinning and pushing back an errant lock of hair.

“Oh, English tea. No, no, I meant Betelgeusian, it's the standard for this century,” Jack replied, waggling his eyebrows. “Good sir, I require Tea for myself and the lady,” he said to the diminutive, green-furred being behind the podium, making a sweeping gesture toward Rose.

“Of course sir! Right this way!” The maitre d' scurried off into the dim room, somehow achieving the same snooty pompousness of his 21st century French counterpart.

“Beetlejuician? Like that guy from the American show?” Rose laughed a little skeptically, looking around.

Jack chuckled, grabbing her hand and pulling her along behind M'sieur Green Fur.“No, Betelgeuse, it's Arabic. You're going to love this, I promise!”

~~~~~

The bowl was full of something moving. Scratch that, writhing. Rose looked doubtfully at it.

“Ooh, very fresh!” Jack exclaimed, spearing a mouthful of...something...from his bowl. The stuff wriggled as he slurped it up.

“You're kidding me, right?” Rose asked. She picked up the bowl and peered at the moving stuff.

It peered back at her. “AUGH!” Rose almost dropped the bowl.

“What? It wants to know what it's getting itself into. What's wrong with that?”

“Well, for one thing, I'm used to drinking my tea, and for another, I don't eat...live things!” Rose hissed, trying not to let the so-called Tea overhear her.

“You could probably drink it, but that's not the way to properly savour Betelgeusian Tea,” said Jack, picking up another mouthful. “Go on, try it, it's really great.”

Rose picked up her woodware and reluctantly scooped a bit up. “And this really doesn't, I don't know, hurt it? Or me?”

“'Course not. And, it does this delightful little dance on its way through your system!” Jack grinned. “Actually it's quite good for you, it collects a bunch of stuff that gums up your digestive tract.”

“Rrrright.” Trying not to wince, Rose put the Tea in her mouth. It was all she could do not to immediately spit it back out. Swallowing quickly, Rose wiped her mouth on her sleeve and tried hard not to let it come right back up.

“Isn't that great?” She looked up and saw that Jack had finished his entire bowl. He caught her looking and chuckled a little. “I know, I don't take the time to enjoy it the way you're supposed to, but I just love this stuff – drop by whenever I get a chance.”

Grabbing her bowl and squeezing her eyes shut, Rose somehow drank the whole thing.

~~~~~

The shriek from the bathroom had both the Doctor and Jack on their feet and running before they realised where it had come from. The Doctor leveled a stare at Jack.

“OH MY GOD! It's black! It's oily and slimy and black and JACK I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

“Um,” Jack said, a slightly guilty-looking smile on his face. “At least it's better than those Earth detox diets?”


End file.
